Boom si apoi liniste...

Incotro suflet chinuit? Incotro in lumea asta abatuta si apasatoare? Unde vrei sa ajungi si cu ce pret? Cat esti dispus sa dai ca sa atingi o culme?
De ar conta ceva mai mult ca durerea sufletului... De te-ar rapune ceva mai rau ca un suflet chinuit si disperat...de te-ar...ai fi reusit cum sa deslusesti pasii pe care poti sa ii faci apoi. Ai fi, insa esti legat de maini si de picioare caci intre ale sufletului nu poti sa te implici si sa aduci idei inovatoare care sa iti garanteze succesul si vindecarea. Ceea ce traiesti isi lasa o amprenta si cu cine o poti impartasi? De cine te poti agata? De nimeni care sa te poata umple din nou. De nimeni,care sa te poata face un om nou apeland la incizii si a curata durerea pentru a face loc plinatatii. Si daca reuseste cineva chiar si pentru momentul in care sufletul ti-e amarat.... intreb, poate acea persoana sa si pastreze bisturiul in mana si cu blandete sa taie si sa curete la tot pasul!?! De ce atata mizerie oricum? Pentru ca totul este contaminat. Si cat ai da sa cureti tot, incepand cu tine...
Ce simplu ar fi fost daca nu intelegeam nimic, iti zici....si totusi sa te negi sau sa nu te accepti, te face mai linisitit? Poate doar pentru o noapte cand reusesti sa inchizi ochii, fara sa mai fi speriat ca ei sunt in jurul patului tau incercand sa-ti ia viata. Si dormi linisit doar pentru cateva ore gandind ca oricum asta sau nu asta ti-a fost viata harazita. Si te trezesti si apare iarasi durerea si te chircesti si vrei sa iesi din tine si doar sa privesti incontro ti se indreapta trupul si nici macar nu iti mai doresti ca simturile tale sa cunoasca ceea ce sufletul tau din trupul detasat simte sau incontro vrea sa o apuce. Vrei doar sa te privesti...iti sta bine...
Si iti plange sufletul in tine si iarasi nu intelegi nimic si iarasi ajungi la stadiul in care realizezi ca nici macar nu te cunosti.
Si esti depasit...
Ce durere coplesitoare...
Cauta te rog doar cum sa faci ca ce ai fost sa fie transformat...sa fie transformat din argint in aur...
Lasa aurul la lumina...lasa lumina la suprafata!

Collective unconscious- isn't this the proof that we all came from the same God!?

I am amazed by the complexity of our psyche and i am amazed by the fullness and variety of knowledge about God.
Every book you read or every experience lived give us a thousand other ways to perceive, understand and live this life.
We are the one who looks for complexity and we don t sum up into something concrete, but there's it is variety and it can not be denied by those who want to know more but do not know where to grasp it. So obviously ,like human beings we feel affinity in many sides and not just in one, so the variety help us to understand in our own way.

And I understand and I observe that all of them are intertwined-mind with heart, faith with feelings. Those produce real change, but what is more important is what we have in us, not individual, but a collective unconscious.
Carl Jung spoke of the collective unconscious as an archetype. Something old, as we have in our memories since two million years, an old man, lying in the dark somewhere in the depths of our unconscious minds.
All these can not be understood or may not yield evidence that can also be explained, but somewhere in the depths, human consciousness is one for all. Therefore we can understand, empathize, guide each other. Because we all try to find the same thing in unconscious and all human consciousness are interconnected.
Is not hard to see here the impact it has the Source-Divinity. Our origin is there somewhere deeply implanted and it leads us.
And if so, if all have access to the entire human race unconscious knowledge, why we are mobile encyclopaedia? Because we are able to access just in the implicit order just the information that is directly relevant to our memories.
Holographic model in psychology shows that if we look to the the individual human being, we immediately see that a hologram is unique in itself, sufficient to yourself, self-yielding and capable of self-knowledge. If we remove the human being from his planet context, we quickly realize that the human form is no different from a symbolic poem,couse in his form and composition live fixice comprehensive information about the different contexts, social, psychological and evolution during which was created.
We are all the same, but we all relate differently to the Divinity, by prioritizing the spiritual and material.

When the heart is open the patterns of thinking are vanished

Thinking is a double act. In one hand, we separate, detach us from everything that surrounds us, and on the other hand, we fix attention on a phenomenon or thing that we seeks to understand and to know it. In this sense thinking is a fact of reason, which we try to penetrate the meaning of the object thought.
Three stages can be distinguished,three successive models of the pattern of thinking. Them represent some person's attitude has towards the reality of the physical world, face the reality of others, but also against itself. These successive stages are characterized by certain attitudes represented by sense, reason and experience.
The three stages are not the only moments of evolution of knowledge. They are human different attitudes towards the subject of knowledge, expressing a view. Each of these attitudes give rise to certain "forms of thought" certain "mentality".
So we see how the values created a sense of faith, reason or philosophy gave rise to systems and natural phenomena or stage experience have taught that man does not find truths outside world at first thei aren t find in sense nor in reason. To achieve it is necessary to descend into the objective reality of the facts.
So we see books explaining and understanding the order of reality.
Reality forms the world (including inside or truth values), the areas of scientific knowledge - the physical universe or objective reality (natural sciences), the human world or the reality of subjective (human sciences) and the universe or reality objectified ideas (abstract speculative sciences).
It is thus easy to understand how and why thinking occurs and how to act in conformity with existing theories or in contradiction.
Most people think, analyze information, in Godness area too, as I said, trying to find clear explanations and connections to make them give their concurrence with Him, when what should follow is that feeling that someone described it this morning. The person wonder if it is normal that when he wants to pray, he cannot couse he find himself crying and it could not be stopped. He ask if it is normal to be so. I replied that yes, a disarming heart, a sincere heart to recognize His superiority and to feel small in front of Divinity , to accepts and affirms the God is the head and the is what he is trhu Him, a heart which cries after Him, is everything needed. Nothing complicated, no stereotyped thought patterns and no rituals, He wants a sincere heart and full of love for Him, which is part of you.
To change the way of thinking that you are used with that way of thinking trhu heart.
They key is to open your heart!

When God isn t enough anymore go and ask Him to reveal

All things are based on the desire of knowledge in all her various forms. Perhaps the acceptance or not of God as He is due to this variety, but one important aspect is not looking to find clear explanations, and tangible ones, neither to start the way of knowing God with a deep and huge desire to judge the informations that we have and get about Him. Not to want to tear down with logical explanation, or rather apparent logical, what we get, but rather to realize that God doesnt have always our way of thinking, He is not human. He lives through us our way of thinking and our feelings but he does not make the connections how we do, neither articulate as we do. We discover, as I said, in the sphere of knowledge many levels. And we see the real knowledge which is rational, logical, scientific certainty is established based thru individual rationality and reality through the objective external world.
Then we see faith as a spiritual emotional attitude, an act of transcendence by which man, surpassing the limits of reality data to design a space transreal ,transobjectiv or metaphysics, an unlimited horizon, issued by closing time period, a space that offers plan the transition from profane to sacred, from the perish to eternal.
Then we see, social myths which are constructions, based on collective representations to coexist in parallel with logic and knowledge that often is a continuing trend or a complement by virtue of their fable. They are or an "explanation" of the unknown areas of reality or a "compensation" character in relation to the pressure of reality factors that remain unknown.
And then, the last- creation is the fruit of experience, world knowledge, but knowledge of self. It is the act by which human beings to "reproduce" the world according their trends and aspirations, not as it is, but as a man wants to be. The creation, knowledge is reproduced. Human activity becomes creative, and the source of creation is knowledge. In this way between knowledge and creation is a conditioning that occurs and will result in changing the world and in the end of the man.
From all these, we observe that knowledge phenomena has an intimately connection with human existence. Any knowledge is the result of experiences of human contact with the world.
From where this need to know and to combat the information we get? (and attention!!! we combat depending to the perceive experiences that we had and therefore in a personal and subjective way, so distorted, stopping the progress of observing). From human nature and from the huge desire to be free, with no commandments.

Because the discipline make us angry ,the prohibitions kneel us. We throw everything that we believe restricts us, without realizing that in this case-Divine case, the access fits the man, it is important only that we want. We identify so well with Thomas when paradoxically, some say that we actually created an omnipresent God.
We are called to be like children in front of Him, believing from the heart without question and not couse He wants acces to be able to manipulate us, neither He or the society or the Moses commandments, but to believe His word and to ask in return, what? Revelation. To ask Him to reveal in our live in order for us cannot deny it. A good start would be to be observers, not to give names and labels or anything, but just to observe and to see Him in everything we observ, to ask to reveal Himself to us in our personal and unique way, not through others or society.

There is not about evidence, explanations, history, prohibition or contradictions of Bible or science, it's about starting to get to live within Him in a unique and personal way.

Focusing in the right direction- unconditional love no science and myths

Last time I saw the childish approach of psychology, in terms of divinity. I saw the awkwardness to compare the spiritual with evolution so with the time without making the difference that the spirituality exists with or without the humanity, so not necessarily in temporal space. It is there whether you believe in it or not. And it does not grow on the basis of "in what you believe comes to life", but because there is God and He is revealed both in nature and creation so in human soul which is eternal, immortal.
Besides, it would have been better to just be psychology ages, but what does that have to do with death? Couse beside ages will come a death too. Psychological explanation is related just to God that you use on earth, but after death? Who do you have? Real Dad, promise you things after death, the real Father will support you not just here but also beyond. And how naive is to believe in something, to invent something just for a period of time. I think that people based on their needs did not choose to believe and give birth to something temporary, must have felt to trust in something that lasts, something great and superior.
You know what I think cannot be constantly? Revelation of the Holy Spirit. When it happens, nothing, no explanation in science or history can not contest it.
How much error and how much infantility. Inventing a God, is not cowardice, and feeling of inutility? Is not easier that someone can be responsible for us? No, we do not want independence and freedom, couse we don t have confidence that we can lead our lives, and we know will fail. And if on the contrary, you think you can rule your life. I ask ,in my humble wisdom, why you have not already created one that pleases you and fulfill you with ur own power?
After all, what has to do an inferiority complex or the desperate need to cling to something that give you protection and safety, when God is about faith. Even if you feel nothing or you feel too much,is not about emotions only, is about faith. He is one that governs you, not the loneliness and void.
From where cames this need, to something greater? From what is hidden deep within us, and what can be brought to light. Freud spoke of unconscious, conscious and preconscious. I see in this two parts - nature of us human and God. What you let to take you, to hold in a higher percentage? It's just like the balance. What weighs more? Unconditional love sprang from the God within us or the needs and necessity of human nature!?!

The truth wresteling with the myth

In my opinion the idea of the myth is not quite according to my belifs. Even so, psychology gives a new perspective when it comes to creation and spirituality so when it comes to presence of God.
I started to invest more in reading new approaches and well finally i reached my own conclusion that i will try to reveal here in the upcomings entries.
Dealing with the issue of birth and becoming beliefs, Mircea Eliade outlines the scale of practical activities and imaginative mythology of prehistoric man. Religious phenomena, morphology and history, are creations of the human spirit and they are closely related to the discovery of the sacred as a constituent of primitive consciousness.
Deciphering the meaning and content of myth is an operation leads to understanding the essence of religion and how man was involved in the generation of historically religious phenomenon.
The myth, Mircea Eliade justly observed, is not a pathological eruption of instincts, but a cultural reality, a creation of the sprite, which, in the perspectiv view of archaic societies, is not "fiction, an invention" but a true history, a sacred one. The mythical thinking is a way of relating to consciousness, a man opened the gate to the world, obviously transhuman divine.
Knowledge is born in the search and discovery. It is a primary trend, fundamental human being inscribed in nature since its creation by the Supreme Creator. Man, a creation of God's image and likeness, is the last time and supreme act of divine creation. God will make the man by his word and reason, making him the confidence of the earth and life and body. This is the end of creation. At first man lives in the Garden of Eden, living paradisiacal, carefree, unrest. And yet he is not free. Doing it over immediately, but God forbids his approach and taste of the tree of knowledge. But man can not resist this temptation. Any ban is provided which generates temptation. Is the curiousity that everyone finds in everything forbbiden. From that moment the man begins to "see, know the world ", he sees different the life,himslef and even God himself. From this point of human life is broken. Knowledge trend will change man, but his relationship with the creator. A new relationship is established between Father and son.
One approach sais that the act of knowledge is not only violating a taboo. He is also a boldness, a over reaction of the human condition. It is a first act of self-affirmation, the independence as non-subordination. Violations taboo will be punished. God will banish people from the Garden of Eden, they will begin a life full of earthly worries, battles, quests, suffering, failures and successes, joys, to end with death.
In addressing the psychological phase of the myth of Edenic match with the idea of childhoodness. Temptation knowledge and taboo violation coincide with adolescence characterized by awakening curiosity, the desire for affirmation and release by compulsion under paternal authority. It's time Oedipal stage. Entry earthly worries in life, guardians and responsibilities marks the stage with her adult life and early history. Psychologists believe that the biblical myth of the Genesis of the Incarnation to time its entry into earthly life is a symbolic history of the human ages.
The history of humanity begins with violating a ban. This temptation is based on knowledge. Next step is to change the world, reality. To build a world comply with spiritual aspirations and basic human needs. It is when man will replace the Demiurge, trying to confront, to match and even exceed it.
By knowing and mastering the world of reality, it will turn into a human landscape, thus ending up losing the natural look you have when its creation by God. Thus, man will be enriched by knowledge. Any discovery but paradoxically, generates anxiety, doubt, uncertainty, anxiety. Life starts to become uncertain. By expanding the knowledge of the world, man will discover he is alone and vulnerable, and in these moments create the myth of divine. This myth give compensatory role with protecting the individual.
What leads me to deny this myth is the idea that this makes God a tyrant who created the puppets and who was angry and frustrated seeing his own creation wanting to take His place. There is also considering free will, but God gives birth mechanic in the mythodology. In addition, the idea of ages seems offensive. Psychology has failed to discover the great truth, namely that thousands of years ago the Bible was written, like another psychology who teaches evolution ages, in another words. Another contradiction is that the need for something divine, superior has existed since the beginning, therefore I doubt that people are aware of themselves and of their vulerability and they have created an imaginary God to protect them. Forced analogy was made between parent and child relationship. Even in family, the father is real and palpable. I wonder what made people to invent God hard to touch and palpable, when they could relate to something tangible, couse they practically need an immediate answer to a real presence.
Finally, I pick up not the senior idea of evolution or science, but the idea of divinity that man has within him since the beginning, knowing more or less, that he's part of something greatest.

urmand sa definitivez cercul

Ne este destul de dificil sa iesim din zona noastrea de comfort, in special atunci cand zona asta este tatonata inca din copilarie, insa incercam si totusi sentimentul de aparteneta este tot indreptat catre regresie. Vazand asta, m-am gandit ca asta este natura noastra si ca ar trebui sa fim deschisi spre noi viziuni, ceea ce am si facut. Am experimentat si am apreciat apoi ce si cum.

Acum insa ma intreb, de ce totusi imi este gandul la vechiul "tipar"?

M-am intrebat daca nu cumva este vorba doar de perceptia personala pe care o ai referitor la informatiile ce le-ai acumulat pana cum, pe care in mod normal le vezi subiectiv, bineinteles avand o baza obiectiva.

Nu cumva suntem noi prea sensibili si ne simtim libertatea amenintata in ceea ce privesc aceste invatauri? Si daca este asta, vrei sa lasi asta la acest nivel sau sa mergi mai adanc ca sa poti si intelege originea acestor "atacuri" ?

De ce ma intorc la vechiul tipar? Pentru ca dadea roade! Pentru ca imbinat cu noua viziune, m-a facut sa fac exact ceea ce trebuia- sa filtrez si sa las ca mesajul , adevarul sa mi se reveleze in functie de cum se muleaza cel mai bine pe ceea ce poate mintea mea accepta ca adevar neclintit, fara ingradire. M-am concentrat atat pe lucrurile interzise si pe cele fara o importanta majora si nu le-am lasat unde sunt, ridicand la rang superior singurul punct pivot in umblarea asta in lume- Iubirea!

Se pare ca am inteles putin eronat si ca punctul de focalizare a fost relativ puternic in functie de valorile mele, pe care le-a crezut oarecum zdrunciante si deci am urmat o atitudine defensiva, uitand ca nu comparatia trebuie urmata si ca in balanta trebuie asezata doar autenticitatea Lui, indiferent care este aceasta, din diferitele opinii globale, asocierea cu El si constientizarea Fiintei din interiorul nostru si iubirea.

Si inca in proces de intelegere, insa de data asta mai aproape de trairea efectiva prin El, excluzand explicatii subiective!

Mai am nevoie de organizare si timp....

Extinderea constiintei part 1

Cum stii ce vrei sa faci cu adevarat in viata?

Interesant exercitiu pentru anul 2011. Si asta pentru ca stiu- multi viseaza la ceva maret!

Cum stii ce vrei sa faci cu adevarat in viata?
Intrebare care, cu siguranta se gaseste in mintea multora si la care, daca nu se gaseste un raspuns, genereaza o starea de nefericire si insatisfactie nu doar pe plan profesional, ci si in plan personal. De aceea este bine a nu se trece peste aceste intrebari. Dar, in rezolvarea unei astfel de teme, trebuie sa iti clarifici foarte bine doua lucruri: cine esti tu? si de ce anume esti pasionat? Iata cateva cai de la care poti sa incepi.
Identifica care iti sunt valorile, interesele, capacitatile naturale si abilitatile de care dispui.
Scrie pe o hartie toate raspunsurile la urmatoarele intrebari; toate acestea te ajuta sa cunosti mai multe despre tine si de care sa fii constient ca ele exista, iar tu le poti folosi.
- Ce este cu adevarat important pentru mine?
- Ce merita cu adevarat sa fac in viata?
- Ce lucruri din lumea astea imi doresc sa le pot schimba sau sa le imbunatatesc?
- Ce anume vreau sa isi aduca aminte lumea despre mine?
- De ce sunt cu adevarat fascinat?
- Ce ma pasioneaza?
- Ce sunt capabil sa fac foarte bine?
Foloseste exercitii creative, cum ar fi brainstorming-ul, vizualizarea si/sau harta mentala.
Poti sa incerci sa faci urmatorul exercitiu:
Scrie pe o bucata de hartie urmatoarea intreabare: "Ce as vrea cu adevarat de la viata daca as fi absolut sigur ca as obtine?" Deci, aceasta este viata ta in modul in care tu vrei sa fie, asa ca ai libertate totala, resurse financiare nelimitate si toate calitatile si abilitatile pe care le-ai dorit din totdeauna.
Bun. Acum scrie timp de 10 minute absolut tot ce iti trece prin minte legat de aceasta intrebare. Lasa stiloul sa scrie. Nu judeca acum ceea ce gandesti. Scrie, chiar daca asta inseamna sa repeti ceea ce ai mai scris. Nu are importanta.
Dupa ce ai terminat acest exercitiu, intreaba-te: "Ce anume din ceea ce ai scris, ai putea sa explorezi la maximum?" Si poti sa continui asa, antrenandu-ti mintea pentru a gasi solutii si idei noi legate de un subiect sau altul.
Indentifica care sunt preferintele tale personale.
Este vorba de personalitatea ta, de stilul tau sau de modul in care percepi lucrurile si modul in care actionezi. Tu te cunosti cel mai bine, acesta este un lucru pe care nu ar trebui sa il uiti. Numeni nu te cunoaste mai bine, decat te cunosti tu insuti.
Cerceteaza si/sau experimenteaza tipurile de servicii sau companii in care tu sa te potrivesti cel mai bine (tinand cont de valorile, interesele, talentele, abilitatile si personalitatea ta). Un fel de omul potrivit la locul potrivit!
Cum faci asta? Iata cateva sugestii:
- Stai de vorba cu oameni care chiar fac aceste lucruri de care tu esti interesat (sau lucruri asemanatoare) - poti invata mult mai multe stand de vorba cu ceilalti si te ajuta sa scutesti timp.
- Voluntariat.
- Cauta slujbe temporare sau part-time in domeniul in care te intereseaza.
- Citeste reviste si ziare care au legatura cu careierele si job-urile.
- Cauta si foloseste internetul.
- Inscrie-te la un colegiu, o facultate sau o scoala superioara in domeniu. Exista acum multe astfel de posibilitati.
Daca te hotarasti ca nu vreai sa treci singur/a prin acest proces de auto-cunoastere, poti cere ajutor. Acest ajutor iti poate fi oferit de un consilier in cariera sau de un coach. Totul depinde de tine si de cat de mult iti doresti cu adevarat sa faci ceva cu viata ta! Interesant este faptul ca poti sa faci aproape orice din momentul in care ti-ai pus in cap sa faci ceva!
Deci succes si la treaba!

learn

Comunicati exact ceea ce ganditi!
Programarea Neuro-Lingvistica
Idei de Afaceri, Octombrie 1995

"Orice lucru trebuie explicat in cel mai simplu mod posibil, dar nu mai simplu decat atat". A. Einstein

"Aceasta celebra afirmatie mi-a venit in minte in timp ce ma pregateam sa scriu acest articol si nu-mi este greu sa inteleg motivul.
Daca e intotdeauna dificil sa rezumi spatiul unei pagini, cu atat mai mult fara suportul exemplului direct, concepte si tehnici care ar cere cu totul alte aprofundari, cu argumentul de astazi atingem temeraritatea: vom vorbi deci despre Metamodelul Lingvistic, un instrument comunicativ care a revolutionat tehnica psihoterapeutica a ultimilor ani si care are aplicatii infinite in fiecare domeniu al vietii cotidiene.
Asteptand inceputul serilor de seminarii prevazute va trebui deci sa fac apel la intuitia voastra si la capacitatea de a gasi singuri exemple, dezvoltari si aplicati din putinele si sinteticele note pe care spatiul mi le permite.
Am vazut deja ca mintea noastra, in baza stimulilor senzoriali receptati din mediul inconjurator, are in interiorul ei o harta a realitatii care contine toate credintele noastre personale despre lume. Dar aceasta harta nu este realitate, ea doar are o structura asemanatoare care ne ajuta sa ne explicam ce se intampla.
Formarea hartii noastre e supusa la trei procese distincte, fapt care o face unica si diferita de cea a altor fiinte umane:
SELECTIA - deoarece, dintre toate datele pe care le avem la dispozitie in mediul inconjurator, putem selectiona doar o mica parte
DISTORSIUNEA - deoarece datele pot fi gresite sau alterate de prejudecatile noastre
GENERALIZAREA - cand trasportam in situatii asemenatoare ceea ce am invatat intr-o situatie particulara.
Aceleasi mecanisme intra in joc cand comunicam verbal cu noi insine sau cu altii, sau cand incercam sa dam o descriere verbala a modelului nostru in lume.
Este fundamental deci sa avem la dispozitie un instrument lingvistic care sa ne permita, dincolo de procedurile de selectie, distorsiune si generalizare, sa recuperam experienta senzoriala care sta la baza unei afirmatii specifice.
Sa nu uitam ca aceste studii s-au nascut in domeniul psihoterapiei, unde este fundamental sa se inteleaga ceea ce se ascunde in spatele a ceea ce spune pacientul.
Cand acesta foloseste fraze ca: "Sunt intotdeauna deprimat", "Toti sunt impotriva mea", "Nevasta mea ma infurie" este evident ca utilizeaza etichete care nu descriu deloc tipul de experienta la care se refera.
In ani '60 un grup de lingvisti condusi de N. Chomsky au elaborat un model formal al limbajului care se numeste "Gramatica Trasfunctionala". Din opera lor, iata ceea ce ne intereseaza pe noi:
- limbajul operaza constant la doua niveluri: are o structura superficiala, care e formularea frazelor si o structura profunda care e experienta efectiva senzoriala ce sta in spatele limbajului.
- exista reguli despre care fiecare vorbitor stie ca permit sa se stabileasca daca o fraza este bine formata, din punct de vedere gramatical, sintactic, semantic.
- se incalca modelul sau fraza nu este bine formata, cand de una singura nu este posibil sa ajunga la structura profunda.
Explicatiile date de Korzybski si de Chomski erau atat de complicate incat erau aproape inutile, pana cand J. Grinder si R. Bandler (fondatorii PNL) au elaborat Metamodelul Lingvistic.
Insa, chiar si acesta e un instrument complex, care ocupa doua volume din “The structure of magic” (1975, Palo Alto, California), si care cere un studiu serios. Noi dam aici o versiune a Metamodelului, care, chiar simplificat, ne permite sa obtinem rezultate care vor fi deasupra asteptarilor.
O axioma a comunicarii spune: “Mai intai incearca sa intelegi si pe urma fa-te inteles”.
Pentru a intelege ceva ce nu ne este clar, cel mai bine este sa pui intrebari.
Dar nu intotdeauna este usor sa pui intrebarea potrivita, mai ales cand nu stii exact ce cauti.
Metamodelul a definit cateva categorii de cuvinte care ne semnaleaza ca interlocutorul nostru nu ne comunica precis gandurile sale.
Aceste categorii sunt: cuvinte universale, obligatii, verbe, nume, comparative.
Sa le vedem pe rand, invatand sa le recunoastem si sa punem intrebarile corespunzatoare.
CUVINTE UNIVERSALE
Cand le intalnim este clar ca se face o generalizare. Ele se identifica in cuvinte ca: “toti, nimeni, intotdeauna, niciodata”, chiar daca acestea sunt, uneori, doar subintelese.
Universalele sunt optime cand descriu adevaruri evidente (“toti indivizii au nevoie de oxigen”), dar de obicei sunt doar suportul lenei mentale si limiteaza mult posibilitatile pe care le avem la dispozitie.
“Tinerii de astazi nu au chef de munca” (se subintelege: toti, niciodata).
“Pentru a incepe o activitate este nevoie de mult capital” (se subintelege- intotdeauna).
“Toti scotienii sunt avari”
si s-ar putea continua la infinit.
Pentru a intrerupe acest proces, este suficient sa se puna cateva intrebari simple: “Chiar toti?”, “intr-adevar intotdeauna?”, “Chiar nimeni?”, cu toate variantele posibile, astfel incat sa se defineasca cazul specific in care acea afirmatie este adeverata (admitand-o ca atare).
OBLIGATII
Obligatiile, se exprima cu cuvintele: “trebuie, nu trebuie, nu se poate, necesita, este nevoie, incluzand toate expresiile echivalente.
De fiecare data cand auzim aceste cuvinte, avem in fata o obligatie sau limitare care poate sa fie adevarata sau nu.
De obicei se reactioneaza cu “De ce?” care serveste numai la a produce justificari, rationalizari, exemple de cazuri precedente sau regulamente.
in schimb, intrebarile pot fi:
“Ce s-ar intampla daca as face-o? Sau daca n-as face-o?”
“Cine sau ce ma determina sau ma impiedica?”
“Cine o zice?”
Iar, de obicei, raspunsurile deschid o serie de posibilitati la care nu v-ati gandit.
VERBE
In aceasta categorie, ca si in urmatoarea, obiectivul e acela de a verifica semnificatia pe care interlocutorul o atribuie cuvintelor, iar aceasta poate fi obtinuta simplu, in cazul verbelor, cu un cuvant: “Cum?”.
“Dumneavoastra trebuie sa aveti incredere in mine” (nu se intelege daca i se poate accepta un sfat sau daca i se pot lasa portmoneul si cheile casei).
Intrebare: “Cum anume? Ce ar trebui sa fac pentru a avea incredere?”
“Anul acesta vom bate concurenta!” (poate sa insemne ca vrem sa marim cheltuielile cu publicitatea sau ca intentionam sa dam foc fabricilor concurente).
Intrebare: “Cum anume o vom bate? Ce actiuni vor fi efectiv intreprinse?”.
Un caz particular este verbul “A incerca sa...” care inseamna sa ai deja un alibi in caz de faliment (“am incercat tot posibilul, dar nu a funtionat”).
Inca o data, sa se verifice cum intentioneaza concret sa actioneze cel care vorbeste.
NUME
Si aici este suficient sa se intrebe: “Ce anume?”.
Va amintiti cand am citat oameni politici care vorbesc de “prosperitate”, “dezvoltare”, “libertate”, etc?
Intrebarea este: ”Ce intelegeti exact prin prosperitate?” si, daca nu va lipseste curajul sau rautatea: “Cu ce mijloace intentionati sa o realizati? Si cand?”.
Atentie la substantivele nespecifice care incetoseaza imediat conversatia: fraze ca “ei nu ma inteleg”, “statul nu ne ajuta” nu au nici o semnificatie daca nu definesc cine sunt “ei” sau cine este “statul”.
COMPARATIVE
In aceasta categorie includem toate adjectivele la gradul comparativ ca: “mai bun”, “mai rau”, “prea mult”, “prea putin” etc.
“Este mai bine sa faci asa”.
“Este lucrul cel mai rau care mi se putea intampla”.
“Acest obiect e prea scump”.
“Inveti prea putin”.
Si aici reactionam din obisnuinta cu un “de ce?” sau negand, sau furnizand justificari. In schimb, intrebarea cheie este: “Fata de ce anume?”. Din nou, raspunsurile va vor ajuta sa evaluati mai bine situatia si sa gasiti solutii creative.
ATENTIE!
In ciuda aparentei inofensivitati, va veti da seama, din cazuri concrete, ca aceste intrebari se infig ca spadele.
Daca cel care va vorbeste este de rea-credinta, se va simti descoperit, daca este de buna-credinta, se va afla in fata propriei confuzii; in ambele cazuri, asteptati-va la reactii agresive si ostile.
In special la inceput, limitati-va sa puneti intrebari numai cand vi se pare intr-adevar necesar sa identificati mai bine problema sau gandul interlocutorului, sau sa elaborati solutii creative; evitati in orice caz sa le puneti pe un ton agresiv (doar daca nu vreti sa atacati deliberat interlocutorul).
Sa ne amintim ca este nevoie intotdeauna sa se comunice avand in minte un obiectiv specific.
Un bun mod de a invata aceste lucruri si de a apela la ele automat este sa asculti interviuri la televiziune (chiar inregistrandu-le) si sa imaginezi intrebarile cele mai potrivite.
Ajunsi aici, in timpul unui seminar s-ar putea trece la exemplificari si aplicatii practice a ceea ce s-a spus.
Ma limitez sa furnizez citeva exemple, increzator inca o data in inteligenta si intuitia cititorilor:
Bogdan, 7 ani, vine de la scoala:
- Mama, astazi colegii si-au batut joc de mine toata ziua!
- Intr-adevar toata ziua?
- Ei, nu. In timpul recreatiei.
- Chiar toti copiii care erau acolo?
- Nu, Iulian cu gasca.
- Si sunt multi?
- Sunt Iulian, Mihai si George.
- Si cum si-au batut joc de tine?
- Au spus ca sunt urechiat!
- Iar ceilalti?
- Ei bine, m-au aparat.
Cat de mult se schimba situatia fata de afirmatia initiala?
O intimplare in timpul unei vanzari:
- Seminarul dvs. este prea scump!
Aici, de obicei, se raspunde ca nu este adevarat si se incearca sa se explice de ce.
Dar solutia corecta este urmatoarea:
- Prea scump fata de ce?
- Fata de celelalte seminarii la care am participat.
- La care seminarii ati participat?
- La x,y,z.
- Bine. In ce sens erau la fel cu al meu?
- Stiti, de fapt nu erau la fel.
- Interesant. Ce s-ar intampla daca ati descoperi ca seminarul meu merita timpul si banii cuveniti?
- Atunci l-as gasi pe gustul meu.
- Ce as putea face pentru a va ajuta sa ganditi asa imediat?
- Iata ce: daca in seminariul dvs. s-ar vorbi despre W, J, K, as fi satisfacut.
- Perfect. Vedeti, in pliantul de prezentare nu se poate scrie totul, dar noi abordam chiar ceea ce va intereseaza.
Evident, contractul a fost semnat.
Un ultim lucru: folosirea extrem de productiva a modelului pe care vi l-am propus, cand acesta a fost invatat corect, este aplicatia la dialogul nostru interior. Sa ne obisnuim a gandi, cu maxima atentie pentru generalitatile noastre, la limitele pe care NOI de obicei ni le punem si vom descoperi ca adesea nu au nici un sens real si pot fi foarte simplu depasite. Lumea contine mult mai multe posibilitati decat mica noastra harta mentala poate sa ne faca sa credem, si aceste intrebari pot sa va ajute sa le descoperiti.
Inchei, legat de aceasta, cu un citat dintr-un anonim persan, care intotdeauna m-a fascinat: “Sunt o suta de drumuri care duc spre paradis: nouzeci si noua sunt pentru persoanele inteligente, iar unul pentru ceilalti”.
Pe curand! "